Five Simple Ways to Prepare for Mediation
People will ask, “What should I do to get ready for mediation?” There are whole books on that question, but you can take five simple steps that consistently make a real difference.
These steps are not about becoming a different person. They are about showing up as the clearest, most grounded version of yourself possible, so you can make good decisions in a difficult moment.
1. Write down your story, briefly
Before you mediate, take ten minutes to write a short version of what happened. Focus on key events in chronological order, not every detail. This helps you separate facts from interpretations and gives you a calmer way to present your perspective.
As you write, notice what you emphasize. Notice where your emotions spike. Those are often the places where you most want to be heard. These are places where a mediator can help you find language that is constructive.
2. List your concerns, not just your demands
Demands usually sound like positions: “I need this amount of money,” “I want this policy changed,” “I need an apology.” Concerns go deeper: “I need stability,” “I need to feel safe at work,” “I need this not to happen again.”
When you can name your concerns, the mediation can look for solutions that address them in more than one way. Money might still matter, but it is rarely the only thing that matters. Clarity, respect, repair, timing, and privacy often matter just as much.
3. Think about your audience
In mediation, you are not only speaking to “the other side.” You are speaking to the mediator, to any attorneys present, and sometimes to people who are not in the room at all. Think of supervisors, partners, family members, or a court that might later review an agreement.
Ask yourself: What do these different audiences most need to understand about me, about the situation, and about why I see things as I do? That question helps you prioritize what you say and how you say it.
4. Clarify your must‑haves and your would‑likes
Some things are non‑negotiable for you. Others are preferences. You do not have to share this list with anyone, but you should have it clear for yourself.
Write down:
What absolutely must be part of any resolution for you to say “yes.”
What would be helpful but is not essential.
What you can let go of if needed.
This helps you avoid two common traps: agreeing to something you regret later, or rejecting something you should have considered more seriously.
5. Decide how you want to show up
Mediation is stressful. You may walk in tired, angry, anxious, or all three. You can decide in advance, “I want to be honest and respectful,” or “I want to be firm and calm.” Or something else.
That choice does not guarantee a perfect day, but it gives you a compass for the day. When the conversation gets hard, you can ask, “Is my response right now consistent with the way I wanted to show up?” That one question can change the tone of the whole process.
If you have a mediation coming up and want help preparing, SanctuaryADR offers coaching and pre‑mediation preparation so you can enter the room with more clarity, less reactivity, and a better sense of your options.
Further Reading and Resources
ABA Section of Dispute Resolution Task Force on Improving the Quality of Mediation. (2008). Final report of the ABA Section of Dispute Resolution Task Force on improving the quality of mediation. https://www2.mediate.com/ajm/docs/ABA%20-%20Task%20Force%20Final%20Report%20-%20PRINTERS%20COPY.pdf
Casmir, F.L. (1987). Conflict resolution: The role of human communication. Communicare: Journal for Communication Studies in Africa, 6(1), 5-13. https://doi.org/10.36615/jcsa.v6i1.2108
Caughlin, J. P., & Vangelisti, A. L. (2015). What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships? Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 1–5. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002
